Irish and Proud

MSNBC

The Rise Of Emo

It's a great big duh to me, but reporters, doctors and parents are baffled as the rise of emo and MCR coincides perfectly with a sudden CDC study on the rise in suicides among teenage girls.

Who would think that listening to depressing ass, whiney, self-serving music all of the time and buying into the associated one-up drama culture would do that?

Fucking morons.

Common Sense Is A Republican

I got this today in a forward at work...and you all know how much I love those.

My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by until today I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance. For Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

Obituary
Common Sense


Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as
knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the
worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children
are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a
student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant
and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better
treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar
can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He
is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to
Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If
you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
nothing.

Clinque...For Men?

Oh. My. God.

Those of you who know me well, and if you've been reading this for any duration, you can probably count yourself among the afor mentioned crowd, know that I rail on the "metrosexual" about as hard as anyone can without getting the Nerf Anger Bats out, so it should come as no surprise to you that this soft news article made me more than a little sad.

I think it was the first time in all of my years that I actually wanted to think they were referring to the twelve and thirteen year old eyeliner wearing, My Chemical Romance retards.

*sigh*

I get that you guys want to look good, I really do. The concealer I could probably forgive, and I personally thought it was a triumph when it was suggested to some of the ill coifed that they start using an aftershave with moisturizer in it because boy do you guys get rough and scaley fast, but this brow gel is going just a wee bit too far for my tastes.

Oy.

Religious Pamphlet Day

So I brought all of these home wiht the intention of photographing them to share with all of you but then I didn't, so you get the abbreviated version :)

Dude.

Seriously.

I got like 15 religious pamphlets in the mail in the first fifteen minutes of my day yesterday, and none of them were as bad as the big red sticker on the outside of an envelope that read "Warning: America will never be blessed as long as 3500 babies are killed every day through abortions."

theSEX

I've been reading a lot lately, as evidenced by my very disjointed post. (I know, normally disjointed wouldn't be a sign of reading, but i've been reading Tom Robbins.) I've also, surprise surprise, watching a lot of movies and tv and I realized that, not only are all of my preconcieved notions about the things i'm attracted to true, they're getting more pronounced :P

Who Knows What Time It Is?

So I came into work this morning to find a couple of interesting things.

First, I should really go back to the coffee. I miss the coffee, and the coffee misses me. It would seem that, without the afor mentioned coffee, Godfather Evenings aren't going to be possible. (I stayed up and watched the first like 45 minutes of Godfather II last night and I've been paying for it since I woke up.) This morning, I came in and made a menial, moronic mistake...about 475 times. Yeah, I'm not exaggerating. It took me an hour and a half to fix it and - the worst part? - I did it yesterday too.

Two, today is military aerospace pay-up day. The Senate must have sent out some checks because the names coming across my desk are, for once, names I know. (Because Tommy's Banana Hut isn't exactly on my Must See List but when I see Northrop Grumman I know who they are, what they do and exactly how their existence impacts my daily life.) Unfortunately, they were so among my 475 errors. Yeah, that's right, I fucked the quasi-government.

Anyway, today sucks, tomorrow will probably suck too, but it sucks a lot less knowing that, at the end of the week...the monies...on the monies... How does one spell the faux-pluralization of money? Given our current economic state, is it a little ironic that you can't have a single smithereen and, as far as grammar is concerned, money isn't a singular device as well?

I hate apricot jelly.

Pet Killer

Did I mention I don't do well with free time? What the hell do these people do with their free lunch periods. They made me wear a skirt and they want me to do it for an extra half hour while I eat a bag of carrot sticks and a banana?

I miss my tablet and my photoshop. Lunches are for people who don't have anything better to be doing, me thinks...or they're for people who do have something better to be doing... i'm not really sure.

ANYWAY, the point of all of this was that I was trying to read the news. Of late, i've been avoiding it for my health and it's been working but if they're going to make me entertain myself for a half hour, well, it's gonna have to be MSNBC and CNN that do it. Somehow I think I might alienate people ifi start streaming Senate and House sessions at my desk. I don't know if i'll keep reading the news, hwoever, because i never actually started. I saw this, and decided i had to blog it immediately before it was eaten by the ether.

That's right folks, PET KILLER!

Google Say What?

Ok, so i'm not at home right now, which is why I even have to ask this incrediably inane question. (Yes, I was reminded to take my lunch break. No, I have no idea how I will fill this manditory half hour and if they suggest I take an hour one more time, I may have to kill myself.) Anyway, I logged on to google, like you do on your lunch break, to see exactly how far outside the web of large company IT opression you could get - okay, i wasn't looking that hard, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't intranet bound. But yes, Google, thy sparse, subtle page has changed....

A lot.

A lot, a lot.

There is crap on Google? Someone tell me i'm halucinating or something. Over abudance of carrot sticks perhaps?

Prime Ministers Question Hour

I know that no one else watches this but, dude, it's so much fun. I missed it.

The yelling thing? And the sitting down thing? Oh boy.

The thing about it is this. As Americans, we think of the UK as sort of a civilized sort of place with lots of crazy, archane rules left over from the Monarchy - and yet, whenever someone speaks during question hour, the crowd heckles like it's Comedy Sportz.

Jason Pohl's Workstation of Love

System Specs:

Workstation: Hewlett-Packard xw8400 Workstation
Monitor - Hewlett-Packard 22" LCD
Tablet Monitor - Wacom Cintiq 21UX
Peripherals - Logitech Keyboard, Mouse, and Speakers
Software -

• Adobe Production Suite
• Solidworks 2007
• Alias Sketch Book Pro
• Alias StudioTools

Oh, and if you have no idea what i'm talking about - imdb.

Fish Eye Winery: Thinking Inside of the Box

Now we all know how I feel about boxed wine. I also feel negatively about the ginat bottles of wine that are practically kegs in and of themselves. I also have a problem with people who don't store their wine on a decline and let the cork dryout then get confused as to why their wine goes rancid.

I have a lot of problems with people and with wine but today...today I got a laugh. Fish Eye is advertising boxed wine as an equivolent to the casks used to store the raw...well, grape juice.

[url=http://www.fisheyewines.com/]Fish Eye Wines[/url]

Instant Valentine's Day Survival Guide

For a woman, Valentine's Day is about being remembered. It's about someone focusing on you long enough to choose a gift. The irony, however, si that Valentine's Day is so heavily advertised and heavily commercialized that men have to go to almost no effort to remember or choose a gift. Some of us are aware of that, but shush, don't ruin it for yourself.

For men, I suspect Valentine's Day is overwhelming. Too many sitcoms have given you the impression that you have to do something over the top - massage oils, flower petals, a dozen roses and diamond earrings - in order to make a dent in our expectations. The truth of the matter is that that's simply wrong.

Read on, my friends.

The Perfect Quick Gift.
So this might not be the perfect gift, but I certainly wouldn't mind getting it and, if my survey is at all correct, neither would anyone else. It has all of the classic elements of Valentine's Day, but it does it in such a way that makes sure you don't break the bank, your back or her spirits.

Candy: If you're going with chocolate, don't buy a box at the grocery store. Whatever her favorite kind of chocolate is (i'm partial to that from a shop about 45 minutes away) buy it but, to avoid the dangerous weight web, only buy a few. 6 to 10 is a good number that will keep you from looking cheap and her from feeling like she's just blown her entire diet plan. If she doesn't like chocolate, or if she simply has a favorite something else that you're aware of - whatever it may be - go with that. It's thoughtful that you noticed and she's bound to appreciate it. (I love blue rasberry blowpops....it's 5 bucks for a bag of like thirty and the fact that someone thought of it would make me happy.)

Flowers: You don't have to buy a dozen roses to keep yourself off of the sofa. You shouldn't buy a dozen carnations either, though. (Funeral flowers.) Find out what her favorite flower is and, when cost is an issue, buy less of them. You could get away with buying a single stem of her favorite without question, as long as it's accompanied by something else and you remembered what she likes.

Extras If you don't want to go the flower and candy route, or if you're looking at a single flower and a tiny box of chocolates feeling like that just isn't going to do it, there are a ton of other simple things you can do.

Wal-Mart sells inexpensive adorable stuffed animals and no girl can resist something adorable. There are a few tips and tricks to that - of course. First of all, we like things that are both squishy and maleable and have soft fur. Second, if you buy something with an "i wub you" heart pillow sewn into it's paws, it's obvious that you picked it up in the Valentine's Day isle. Odd though this may sound, wandering into the toy department and finding a stuffed bear that is just a cute stuffed bear will go a lot farther - plus, the animals in the toy department are usually cuddlier. (Bonus points if the animal you buy is her favorite animal)

Lingere is a trap, of course and whether or not it's a safe buy really depends on the girl you're with. Some, like me, might find lingere of any variety fun and complimentary. Other's might be OK with a gift certificate to their favorite store so they can go choose some themselves. (It's an OK bet if you're on the fence. She may prefer snuggly PJ's over something in black mesh and, that way, she gets to pick it herself and you don't end up tarred and feathered...unless you're into that.) Still, there are some who would be offended by the fact that you bought them lingere on a day that was supposed to be about getting them something they liked. The moral - unless you're very sure about your girlfriend and your relationship at the moment, stay away from lingere - -it can be a big beast.

Jewelery will probably never upset a girl, but getting the wrong piece can really upset you. My advice, if you're going to buy your girl jewelery, don't make it a surprise. Or, do make it a surprise. There are a lot of pretty cooperative jewelers out there and you might be able to covince one to part with a box. Tie a ribbon around it, stick a balloon to it, leave it on the pillow with a single stem next to it - whatever your presentation may be, write her a little note telling her how you feel about her and that you'd like to go pick out a special piece of jewelery to remind her of that and stick it in the box where the ring/necklace/earrings/whatever would go. Then, take her shopping with you. Obviously, it's important to set a price range before you get there, or set one with the jeweler and arrange to have them show you a few pieces within that range - that way, there's no weird awkwardness about her picking a piece that is twice what you could afford to spend. It's a good way to avoid buying a classic platinum girl an orante gold whatever or getting a woman who doesn't like to wear earrings a necklace. Plus, there's something cool about walking through a jewelery store like that....Kind of a win win, they get the surprise of finding the box and falling in love with the idea, plus the neato high of the shopping experience and they're bound to get something they love :)

Those, of course, are just the staples of the day. You could easily get out from under the V-Day trap for less than $30 bucks if you shop with the suggestions above in mind and, even if you're looking to spend more, you're still gaurenteed not to make any classic mistakes, product of not properly understanding the female psyche :)

WTF Happened To Edward Norton?

Okay, for those of you who don't know who I'm talking about, remember that scene in American History X where something really gross and probably offensive happened? Yeah, that was Edward Norton.

So, when I thought I saw a trailer for what looked like a clear chick flick and I swore to god I saw him it, I think I choked on my tongue a little.

Well, it would seem, from the limited information IMDB provides, that he is in not one but two chick flicks.

[The Illusionist | The Painted Veil]

I'm familliar with neither. Does anyone care to enlighten me because, from my cursory research...well, I'm disturbed.

Or maybe that it's that no image of him will ever be as firmly burned into my brain as the look on his face when his character snapped that guys neck....

Google

So there are some things you should know about me. A lot of things, in fact and, most of them, can be found out through a quick google search of BitterEpiphany but, for kicks, lets do a "Me/Not Me" list.

In order:

bitterepiphany.com - me
tda profile - me
dA - me
interWORX - me
hpff author page - me
fictionalley - me
timeturner.net - me
blogger - me
hpff: meet the author - me
ipsbeyond - me
gallery: menalto - me
astronomy tower - me
mcafee - me
instantstar - not me
narutofan - me
mugglenet.fanfiction - me
hp12 - not me
digitalscrapbooking - me (hey! you have to register to view!)
theultimateguide to dramione - not me (actually, i haven't figured out why this showed up yet, anyway.)
queen of hearts - me-ish...(OK, i'm not registered there, but they're refering to me :))
someones fanfiction.net page - it is fun to watch the trickle down, but i have no idea who this person is.
Hogwarts - my home away from home - me-ish (yup, its the trickle again!)
carfixers - ME!
someoneslj - more trickle!
Envious Magic - me..ish (the best part is - site admin at this stie HATES ME!)
my livejournal - me
dog forums - me
someone's lj - more trickle :)
applianceblog - me
someone elses dA - trickle
uhh.. - i'm still not sure about this one.
gilmorefan - trickle (and a surprise trickle too!)
youtube - not me!
dA - trickle
fantastic something - trickle
friction - not me
somewhere weird - trickle
someone's lj - trickle


Google is such a fun game :)

Why I Won't Be Blogging Today

Because I did this instead.

The Playlist

So i got a weird weird weird e-mail today but, as with most quirky requests, no matter the aspect of my life, i'm happy to comply.

Fergie - London Bridge
Christina Aguilera - Candyman
Atmosphere - Bam
The Streets - Don't Mug Yourself
Elastica - Car Song
Christina Aguilera - I Got Trouble
Gwen Stefani - Bubble Pop Electric
Britney Spears - Outrageous
Christina Aguilera - Still Dirrty
Atmosphere - Better Man
Christina Aguilera - Nasty Naughty Boy
Garbage - Hammering In My Head
Smash Mouth - Diggin' Your Scene
50 Cent - Candyshop
Diamond Nights - The Girl's Attractive
Fergie - Here I Come (to be fair - the only reason this is on is because i've been listening to it in the god damned CW commercials for months)
Goldfrapp - Strict Machine
RX - I'm John Kerry
Black Eyed Peas - My Humps
Komeda - It's All Right Baby
Goldfrapp - Fly Me Away
Peaches - Fuck The Pain Away
Sparks - Perfume
Justin Timberlake - Sexyback
Rihanna - SOS
Sparks - Can I Invade Your Country

Er, well, that's the only playlist I have...It's for rollerblading.

Overheard It

How is it that someone else created this website before I did?

Overheard In New York.

My Favorite:

Girl #1: So we're in bed, fooling around, and he goes, "Does it feel good when I rub your G-spot?" And I go, "I'll let you know."

Girl #2: Ooh, that's so mean!

Girl #1: Please. I'll fake a clitoral orgasm for anyone. But I draw the line at faking a G-spot orgasm. No man's self-esteem is that important to me.

Tucker Can Dance

Hey, can anyone confirm this? I was just watching TV or - rather, reading the captions on the tv - and I saw a commercial advertising Tucker Carlson as a future contestant on Dancing With The Stars.

I wonder if he'll wear the bowtie.

Dear Diary...

Last night I had a really weird dream. (And by last night I do mean last night, not the night that it currently is because its' 3am)

In my dream, there was an assasination attempt on Ted Kennedy. He was wounded, but not in critical condition by any means and I, being the fangirl that I am, apparently raced to the hosptial to see him - i think it was probably hoping he would do something funny. So there's me parked on a bench of some sort outside of his room, peering through the crack in the door and in walks Jimmy Carter, apparently there to visit my good man Ted.

But wait, there's more. This was the worlds most star studded hotel because not only was Ted Kennedy in traction, with Jimmy Carter at his side, but in the ultimate of oddness, Jake Gyllinhall, who I loathe, was there also - walking down the hall - i dont know, maybe he was visiting Ted too, because he also sat down on the bench I was camped out at.

To make a long story short, a nurse came in - clearly east German - and chased Jimmy back out into the hall, at which point I abandoned Teen Beats most popular hottie and dedicated all of my attention to a conversation with Jimmy Carter about the Iran-Contra scandal.

Fun, huh?