Woohoo

I have a new book, two new books. And tomorrow i'll have sea monkeys... And today i have lots of eddie izzard and some crazy 80's movies for watching friday cuz i dont have to work and mike is taking the day off to relax and (hopefully) spend time with this newly unemployed baby girl :)

Okay...Now I'm Done

Really this time. I think i might have too much time on my hands. Really, its 1 am. I have to be up in two and a hafl hours but i'm not tired cuz i was naughty and slept until 12. Oops. I think i'm gonna be a really tired person tomorrow. Cuz really, theres that, and then i work till one and then i work at 6 am on Sunday too. Ooops...

YAY

I'm all done. I might change the link color, but for the most part, i'm happy with this :)

Hmm...

I think its about time for a new template. What about you? We'll, you probably don't, but its not up to you is it :) Yeah, this is what happens when i have tons of time off and hubby is working long shifts

REALLY BIG DISCLAIMER

I'm having a bad day. I'm having a bad week. Really, i'm sorta having a bad year but we wont get into that cuz i'm already digressing. I'm crabby and i'm angry and i'm frustrated and i don't want to hear one damn word about how this post is unfair or out of line. Not one, got it? I know some of its not my business and most of its irrational requests. And since im aware of it leave me alone. I just need to scream and yell for a little while. He didn't exactly care how out of line or unfair what he was doing was. Furthermore i'm not asking anyone for anything or even to read it i just wanna say it. In the spirit of tact i probably shouldn't be saying anything of this nature but i'm going to anyway becuase damnit, i think i'm entitled a little tyrate on how much I hate colin every so often and in the last three months i haven't even had a single one.

I AM SO MAD AT HIM!!! he ruined everything...and it was going so fucking well. He ruined my favoritest blanket i've ever had, except the froggie blanket. He ruined futons. Parkside. I'd say he ruined 4am but that's never been a good time to be kay. He ruined Robin Hood, the animated and best version ever. He ruined slipknot. He ruined any chance i ever had of going anywhere by myself. He ruined rasberry smirnoff. He destroyed my sex life.

And whats worse, he won't just drop off of the face of the planet like i wish he would!! Everytime i see some little dark haired kid in a slipknot sweatshirt my heart stops, my stomach lurches, my throat gets tight and i wanna cry. And that happens way more often than you'd think it would at a Panera Bread. He won't leave mike alone which freaks me out on more levels than i even care to deal with cuz either i'm just pissed at colin for showing up and dragging all that shit up for both of us or i'm slightly sick that mike is willing to sit across the table from him or worse i'm terrified because maybe Mike's double playing like King did and I hate thinking either of the last two things which just adds another layer of guilt. When did everything get so fucking complicated? And i'm sick of not being able to sleep at night. And i'm sick of haivng a god damn sore throat. And i'm sick of being nauseous. And i'm tired of fucking crying. And i'm sick of being scared. I'm sick of having to tear into myself and try and find out what the fuck is wrong with me. And i don't want to be so tired because i wake up in the middle of the night anymore. I don't want anymore bad dreams. I don't want to explain one more time. I don't want one more person to look at me like they all do. I HATE THAT LOOK> I dont want to be angry any more. I don't want to be depressed. I don't want to feel so fucking violent. I'm sick of starting to tell a story and stopping in the middle right before i say "my friend colin" and haivng to correct myself. I'm sick of missing him. I'm sick that i miss him. I hate that he managed to transcend almost every aspect of my life. I hate that i walk into most rooms and i can see the place he was that one day when...fill in the fucking blank. I hate that all it takes is one word or a glimpse of something or a train of thought that lands on the wrong thing to make me crumble. I hate that i scare people. I hate that i don't have enough control of it to keep it away from mike.

Blue kool-aid. Halo. Subs. Nutra Grain Bars. Slipknot. Disturbed. Lady Bugs. Blue Sweatshirts. Lights. Peanut Butter Cookies. IHOP. The Life Of Brian. Hair Dye. The Park. My Trampoline. Swings. Panda. Smarties. Red Trucks. Side note. I'm watching the news right now. And this guy, a convicted sex offender, is supposed to be released, not the best idea i think...but anyways... the city hasn't been able to find an address in a community that is willing to admit a sex offender to it...blame them? So now the judge is reccomending that they release him to whatever community he wants and not make him go door to doore because the county is failing to find an address. BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS THE MOTHER FUCKER> Sorry, if a statutory rapist moved into my neighborhood, i might throw a bit of a fit and i don't think the solution to that is to just stick him there and not tell people. Maybe they ought to realize that the public concensus is that multiple counts of statutory sexual assault is something you shouldn't be release from.

I'm tired. And I quit. This is the most emotionally and physically exausting experience i've ever encountered.

Uh, Hi..Oww.

it hurts everywhere..I seriously busted my shit today. I hate this. We need softer floor surfaces and bumpers on our shelving because who'd of thought it could be so dangerous to pass out. I mean really. But its cool, cuz my head landed on a bag of mushrooms..:) They may be nasty looking, and smelling, and tasting, and feeling before they're drained *they feel like brains* but they're really cuishiony in the bag...Today was a really really fucking long day. And my throat hurts

Wait A Second

Why the fuck is it snowing outside. It's the middle of god damn march. It's not supposed to snow on St. Patty's day. Further more, my boots were supposed to be here today, where the hell are they!!

No!!!!!!!

Haven't we suffered enough?

Soo...This Is Probably Pathetic

Does anybody actually think he means it?

I just wish he could've said it to my face.

Right, So I'm Not Actually Dead

I'm still here, odd as it may seem. I know, everyone thought I dropped off of the face of the planet because its not like me not to blog for a month. I haven't really been spending too much time online as some of my internet only contacts might have noticed (sorry Megan and co.) I don't mean to ignore all of you its just that I'm plugging into a dial up network here and it makes me want to cry...a lot. But oh well. Little update on my life story since none of you are online and you've all e-mailed me whining:

Work sucks. My GM and my AM have formed a sick and twisted alliance to run our store horribly, wait, i should let some of you know still - i got a promotion - wow, it has been a while. They're breaking every cardinal rule off good management and trying to take the rest of us down with them. So, i'm spending some time looking elsewhere, way I see it, I need something, an interview, anything by the end of the week if i'm to retain any shred of sanity or mental health. Um...other important details. Oh yeah, Deb H., one of the members in my I Quit dance can't work there anymore, she's deathly allergic to something so yeah...not good. Which means if i want my beautiful coreography to work out I have to train the fat guy. boo.

My love life, going well aside from the fact that work sucks for both of us right now, and i do mean sucks...its litterally sucking the life out of us. I can't stand it... But, what is one to do when he works days and i work nothing but nights for two weeks straight. I guess thats life for now. I'm working on finding something else. What can I say, the sex is still good, but it can't help that :)

The whole thing where I was gonna move out and stuff. I've decided thats never really going to happen. With this promotion I was supposed to be working 40 square, as it is I'm only working 33 this week and thats not a strange anomolie. Meaning, on what i actually make now, i'm not able to afford living on my own and Mike's life sorta took a crap on him so he's not in a position to make the situation any easier. I'm trying to word that really delicately so when he trips over this post in a month he's not gonna get upset. It's not his fault and there isn't anything wrong iwth it, nor am I upset, its just that it sorta sucks.

I haven't been sleeping well, my schedule somehow seemed to invert itself, i'm staying up till 5 and sleeping til 12 and I can't seem to get it back in gear...Oh well.

So, in short, i'm tired, cranky, over worked, under payed, not getting laid often enough, lonely, and a total failure at the only actual goal i've set for myself in the last year or so. Great, huh. Oddly, i'm not that depressed. Funny, huh?