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One Last Chance
It has come to my attention in the last few weeks that some of you have formed opinions about me that are now being voiced. Let me make one thing adimatley clear. This is your chance to say your piece and get the fuck out of my life. Some of you have more information than others, some of you feed on second hand stories and a bad temper but what none of you have is the truth because not a single one of you were there that night. Not one of you witnessed what happened. I don't expect any one of you to take one side or another or even to care. What I do excpect is that you conduct yourselves with a little dignity and self respect and stop acting like children. We're all adults here.
While i thought this time I had escaped the social riducule and questioning, apparently I hadn't. Aaron and I have reached a point where I don't talk to him, not about this because he is, well, wrong. But, he is entitled to his opinion and so far as i'm concerned, as long as he keeps it to himself during conversations with me about other matters, we have no problems and will function just fine. However, some of you, it seems, see fit to pry into places you don't belong and have no basis to understand.
There isn't a person I know who could form a truely educated opinion as to whether I cheated on Mike with Colin other than myself because there isn't another person who knows how i feel and felt. While you are welcome to your opinions, in my favor or not, they are ignorant ones because you cannot know the truth. Furthermore, for those of you whom I have chosen never to speak to on the matter, you can't have any idea or even impression because to this day you have no idea what happened.
I have made parts of this public and parts of it very private. You all saw my tyrade on Colin. While I don't have to justify myself to you, explaining may be an important part of the following exersize. That was a pretty low point. Not my lowest, but not a good one either. At this moment, things are making a turn for the better. The major issue that I was dealing with then I feel like i have a solid handle on now; how Colin, someone i trusted entirely for years, could do that of all things. It boggled my mind for the longest time. For now, at least, I think i have a handle on why it happened and it was something I ignored for months preceeding the incident because I didn't want it to be true. It came out of a conversation with Bethe of all people initally, and then subesquently, one with Aaron. Colin didn't come into the situation intending it to be rape. What he intended, i think (one must understand I haven't talked directly to him about this matter), was instead, to "make a move" if you will, on someone he'd had a crush on for a time. At that point, it became a failure in communication. I was not forceful enough at all, and I will accept full responsibility for that, and, in some ways, however unintentionally, I led Colin on for months proceeding. I simply didn't realize that he could possibly misinterpret me being myself, I assumed that he knew well that he and i were friends. It should have come as no shock to him that I was seriously involved with someone, being that that person was his best friend.
I've forgiven him as much as I ever will for what happened that night, and I'm working on forgiving myself. I don't mean to say that I let him off the hook, what he did was still wrong and I hope that those of you involved have learned a valuable lesson; no, in any form or severity, is not something to be taken lightly.
I don't take full blame for the situation, nor do I think he should have to accept it either. We both made mistakes, and in the course of that lost a friendship that meant so much more to me than I think anyone realizes. I didn't think that after Mike accepted the events, and to my understanding, that i did not want, ask for, or enjoy any of the advances that anyone else would fall casualty to this. Apparently I was mistaken. In that light, I'm telling everyone this right now: I will not continue to accept unsolicited onslaughts and attacks against my character. Tonight during the course of a conversation, which you doubtless know was with Nate, he said something cruel, uncalled for, and entirely out of line. You are all welcome to your own opinions of the situation but I refuse to have them spewed out at me in the middle of completely unrelated discussions. If i ask your for input, its my fault, I asked for it. If you don't think you can hold your tongue, or no longer wish to, be my guest to disappear from my life, block me, tell me to fuck off, whatever you have to do, but for everyone involved, do it now...or later...just don't resort to childish digs and insults.
Notice:
Here's the direct link to Nate's blog if you want it. I've taken it off of the side bar as he and I no longer speak but I figured i'd put it up here for those of you that wanted it. www.shadowhado.blogspot.com
New Developments
Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled today that sex offenders, when determining sentancing and release dates, will be up against a new obsticale called prior bad acts. For instance, Sean up on rape charges, gets to have every other poor decision he ever made, including any police reports filed against him, brought up in court. This new understanding of the state constitution means that sentances formerlly 10-15 get to be extended to life.
It's double edged. First of all, treatment and rehabilitation programs are really expensive so that sucks because now thats what we're paying for, but for life. Furthermore, its not really fair if this guy stole something from someone's house, that he end up in jail for life because he sexually assaulted someone. It ought be limited to relevent priors, violent acts..things like that...but oh well, at least we're keeping more rapists off the streets.
Oh How Bad Does This Suck
I have to stay awake for another 4-5 hours before i can go to bed...jesus christ....I AM SO TIRED. But i'm gonna do it. I'm determined and I have to because if i don't i'm going to be sleeping during the day for ever!
Listen Up Jackasses
If one more of you whiney bitches decides to come to me telling me how broken you are over your relationship that ended i'm going to blow your head off. Here's my advice, and you can just read this next time you want to talk to me.
1. The person who broke up with you clearly did not want to be with you anymore or they would not have broken up with you in the first place.
2. Once you're broken up - Its over. No more flirting with them, no more prying into their lives. None. Its over.
3. You don't get to tell them how its going to be, they are no longer, no were they ever really, your property. Leave them alone.
4. Any sexual exploits taking place after the termination of the relationship or on a so-callled "break" - whatever the fuck that is - are none of your business nor are your friends or that person obligated to tell you. Its none of your business
5. Your friends don't want to hear about every woe you have, we have our own problems and our own shit to deal with.
6. Grow up! If you're a man - be a man, grab your balls and go about doing whatever it is you did before you were with this person - i.e., sleeping with anyone wearing something short - so you feel less like some dumb schmuck who couldn't keep the lameass woman you had. If you're a woman - put on your favorite push up bra, throw on something that screams slutty, and go get yourself some attention to validate your petty illusions of self worth.
7. Stop wallowing in self pity, alcohol, and sad songs and move the fuck on.
8. When you break up with someone or someone breaks up with you you have one chance to talk to them and work it out. Make sure you've calmed down and give them time to do the same, but if they say they don't want to see you or that it doesn't matter what you have to say, its exactly that, it doesn't matter.
9. Let's all pretend we're adults for a second and have sane rational conversations where we're totally honest with eachother and don't drag other people through the mud. You cared enough about this person at one time to get together with them, you should care enough now or at least have the self respect to be honest about what you want your interactions to be like instead of leading people on and teasing them.
10. Some people need brutal honesty to understand things. Take the candy coating off and give it to 'em. Just do it in a public place so they can't beat the shit out of you.
11. If you can't do this, kill yourself for the benefit of everyone you might trip into a relationship with later in life.
Wow...
This summer is going to be good for movies...we have Shreck 2...Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban...Garfield...and they are making me wait until november 2005 for The Goblet of Fire...So pissed off....GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
And Then There Was Mikes
So yeah, behave yourself!
Yahoo! Astrology: "If there's any way you can arrange it, stay in and exchange back rubs with someone you love. This can be a tender evening -- one for the scrapbooks. Don't let a touch of jealousy earlier today ruin it. "
Hmmm...
Well, they're a few days behind...or maybe they're saying that i'm gonna do this again? Pleased?
"Your sign has never been known to walk away from a moment of passion -- and you won't be tempted to change that reputation today. You may, however, need to ruin dinner if just the right moment arises."
Right...Sooo
Yup, i just figured i should blog and tell you all the exciting news -- MIKE BLOGGED! Now, i know what you're thinking, but its not a lie and he isn't dying either...he just...blogged. Odd, i know :P But thats okay. Right, and i just did something i vowed i wouldn't do...i bought something with carmen electra in it...i know...she's so fucking annoying...and she dated a backstreet boy!
Beka
You're the only one who is even potentially going to be amused by this...cuz everyone else is just gonna get all jelous :P but this kid is so adorable. He plays Oliver Wood in harry potter, captain of the Quidditch Team...The worst thing is...hes not even gonna be in any more cuz he's all graduated and stuff :( but hes so cute...
Only character in the entire movie thats even not unattractive...
Sean Biggerstaff - Pics
It's Coming
I knew this was going to happen. Don't worry, i've already packed.
Hello All
I just signed up for G-mail...Cuz i figured, what the hell. So yeah, if you wanna play along and e-mail me there...nothing important, just to see if it works..skittlesgirl215@gmail.com Yeah. That'd be cool. Also, i'd like you to know that i have a twix bar and look like a total nerd sitting here in the dark with my comptuer..*turns the light on* That's more normal. Enjoy your 420...it took me a while to figure out why everyone was acting so strange today :)
A Good Lesson
Don't stay long when the husband is not at home.
Japanese Proverb...
Well
Mike and I are going to see Eyedea and Abilites on May 27th, at 8 (see if i can remember that without posting it :P) I'm blogging this to see how long he goes without reading my blog, cuz i'm not gonna tell him we're going...he'll have to find out for himself :P Anyone wanna take bets?
The best part is - the micronauts won't be there
Hmmm...
So it has come to my attention that i'm not the only one who shudders at the thought of school Apparently A-ron has had it, and Amy too....Beka seems to be the only one having a good day *damn her* :P Luv ya ;)
That'll be all then *waves*
Oh, and BTW, did you know it was customary to post once in a blue moon *ahem* ;P -- (see that, i'm winking and sticking my tongue out!! Ahhaha, i can be a clever kid :P)
I'm Going Insane
That's all I really wanted to say. I just thought you should all know that i can feel my sanity slipping through my fingers like grains of sand and at this point i'm completely powerless to stop the bleeding...All right, too many metephores in one sentance but that should illustrate my desperation adequatly. I'll paypal you all of my money if you kill me. Cool? Cool!
doot doot doot doot doot doot *sings the going crazy song in her head* Ah, what a sick twisted web i've woven for myself. Can I just make a shout out? A hearty FUCK YOU to my dearest friend, Colin! For without your massive boundry issues and my tendancy to flip out, i'd probably be sleeping right now...and i'd have cookies...Oh how i want cookies...damn the cookie store...
Signed,
Your Lord and Master,
Foamy!
actually, he would totally not approve of this post, but thats okay...
"WHY IS THEIR BACON IN MY CLEANSING BAR, GIR!???!" - "I made it myself!!"
Linkin Park - Breaking The Habit
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
[Chorus]
I don't want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I have no options left again
[Chorus]
I dont want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
I'll paint it on the walls
Cuz I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
[Chorus]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
Ewwww
Hanson is back!! A refresher course for those of you who were living under rocks for that horrible like two months..1) I wish i had been you and does the phrase "MmmmBop" sound familliar, yeah... I know... *shudder*
LOL
Paris Hilton is dating Nick Carter...why does that seem to work...And Hiillary Duff is dating Aaron Carter...Oh yeah, that's sick..
*Pout*
I got my snuggle bear sick....and King too apparently. I'm sorry guys :( And poor King is gonna be sick on his 21st birthday....
*Makes Funny Faces At The World*
Guess who's in a great mood for no reason.....
Wooohoo!!
That's it...
Oh, and I forgot about this description "The New and Improved Home Of My Insane Ramblings. Same Template, New Address, Easier Posting. Now back with Permalink!"
Eww, Slipknot is coming to Chicago, and I seriously considered just calling Colin and being like, dude, which one are you going to Chicago or Milwaukee, and then going to the other one...but then this STUPID guy said he was going and ewww...cuz i was in a chatroom last night for the first time in like a year!
Yay!
I'm better now! I don't know what happened but i think i'm getting really really better. I just have a little cough now, but no more sick. WooHoo!
Know what's still a really good song even though I haven't heard it in a few years, Powerman 5000 - Bombshell. Its kinda crap but really, that man has the thickest vocals ever...
Please Check This Out...But Only If You're A Girl, Cuz Boys Will Be Bored
RAINN: the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network gets a kickback on any Jean Jewel purchased between April 14th and June 14th through their project Operation Freefall. Enter the code "Freefall" to recieve 10% off any purchase and RAINN recieves 40% of the proceeds.
Jean Jewel
I know these are really expesive and kinda dumb, but they have something called the Jean Jewel 2, designed for broke people :P and little girls....
Make Me Sick
Did you know that there are 30 registered sexual offenders living within my zip code. Did you know that there are 2 elementary schools, 1 middle school, and 1 highschool within walking distance from my house? Disgusting.
ChildSafe Network And, Megan's Law doesn't protect in the state of Wisconsin like it does in New Jersey. State statute does not force all sexual offenders to go door to door, only the ones convicted of violent sexual assault. (i.e., brutal rape) So, unless the beat the shit out of and then raped someone, no one has to ask permission to put them right next door to me, or even tell me. Check this list out:
All over looking to see if they registered Sean yet.
This Giovanni guy, used to come into work all of the time for coffee...
this guy used to drive truck with my dad when i was really little...
No idea who this guy is, but he did it to a child...Pig
Gwwww...
Remind me never to change my e-mail address again! I changed it so many times and now I'm all screwed and stuff.... I remembered the one i had at Mail.com - which was decidedlyme@inorbit.com...and then I remembered the one I had at Yahoo, which was skittlesgirl215, and fishcrackers03, and then i rememberd that i had an old one at hotmail - fishcrackers@hotmail.com and I cannot for the life of me seem to figure out which zipcode i entered for that account because, really, it wasn't the right one and i can't figure out the password. Care to know why i'm doing all of this? Because i can't remember the passwords for either of my AIM accounts and I need them to get the buddy lists....BTW Mike...I do have an account that's Skittlesgirl215...cuz it says so...i just can't seem to figure out how to get into it...cuz i had it e-mail me that password...one last ditch effort...theres another REALLY old account on Yahoo that might have been around when i registered this account...*sigh* this is taking forever... So, if you have an AIM account i should have, e-mail me and let me know what it is...cuz i'm about two minutes from starting fresh... WHY DON"T YOU ALL JSUT GET MESSENGER!!
Microsoft .NET Passport Member Services -- Reset Password (1 / 2): "fishcrackers@hotmail.com"
Hear That, You Guys Just Aren't Cool Enough
See...The fact of the matter is, Beka and I are just more special than you :) We have a club. Cute on the outside, Angry on the inside. Yeah :) Raise your hand if you thought you'd see that day.... :) What can I say...
Everyone Click The Link...No Seriously
This is how I'm going to cut my hair. Perhaps not the best idea i've ever had, but what the hell :) It grows back, right...Right.. I know mike, it just keeps getting shorter and shorter...but i promise, i'm not a bull dyke, its just gonna be summer and i want something cute and not all halfway long enough to put into a ponytail.
About People
Can I just say that people other than Beka and Me could post once in a great while. It'd be nice. We're sick of reading eachothers stuff with no interval of computer news or anything to break up the pink and purple monotony...BTW, how'd it go last night girly?
I Warned You!
I warned you all. I told you so, Beka. Panera Bread is a backassward run orginization and will put itself into the ground or I will. Shannon is nice. Tell her I said "Hello." She's a manager there, kind of a big lady. She's subbing at Kenosha in light of my absense. Just don't tell her the back ass wards bit, she might tell Bill....And then Baby Hitler will kill me....don't tell her that bit either.
Cheshire's Smile - People Who Work At Panera Are Assholes
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