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All Right, So I'm Talking To Beka Again
And I seem to have upset her a bit, which i'm sorry for. I didn't expect that to happen, and I really really wouldn't have talked to her if i knew it would.
Deb has been scheduling me at work with my full availability. If I can be there, I am. It's kinda nice. I like it anyway. It means i'll get another pretty healthy check before christmas. Yay! I sorta swapped a few people out on my X-mas list.
...
Yeah...Uhm. Not to whine, but this is not the best of all possible worlds A-ron. Fuck Candide.
GASP
Beka hates A Christmas Story, so i'm not talking to her anymore
So Tired...And So Bored...But Not Sleepy
Yeah, that sorta sums things up
Ya Know...
I came out here with my computer at midnight, set to write an e-mail to my mother as to why i wasn't going to come to Thanksgiving this year. It's now three and a half hours later and i haven't even started it yet. I got distracted trying to find my favorite childhood polly pocket toys. I found all of them :) Including the all time best one, the big ass purple case with the little bed that pulled out :) and the one wit hthe paddle wheel, and the bridal shop, and the church. I still can't find the one with the drivethru...
HEY COLIN!!
Circleville made the news! It was on HGTV because... *drum roll please* ... They apparently have a store called Lindsey's Bakery that makes a 350 lbs pumpkin pie every year. So, In closing, congratulations Colin. Apparently circleville is worth something, even if the pie isn't fit for human consumption.
Hi There
So, yes. I'm never going to class again. It was the shortest week long class of my life. Oh well. I'll catch everybody later I guess. I've got a facial mask on and it makes me want to make silly faces just to feel all the silly places it stretches :)
Time For A Shower
And then I can go get food, cuz i'm pretty hungry being that i haven't eaten yet today. yummy food....yummy yummy yummy food...but I don't want anythign they have here, so maybe i'llg et a snack and then real food later. Yes.
Ugh
I'm never speaking to my mother again. Here we go again. I make a plan, not necissarily a particularly fantastic one, but nevertheless one that will work and most people don't seem to be entirely opposed to. But oh no, can anyone just let me fucking have the peace of mind for a full week...uh, no. Of fucking course not. My mother has been trying to push me into renting a loft in downtown racine, in an old warehouse, with some artist person. And i get it through her head that I dont want to move in there, i'm not going to and i'm no looking for some "community." I don't like community. Communities make you accountable to people you don't like for things you don't want to do. All in all, its a lose lose deal. I'm not game.
So she lays off on that for a minute, or so i think, and then gets the brilliant idea that i should rent the house from them, rent out a room in it to some random person, and they'll move to an artists loft. Yes. I don't really feel like taking on the project that the two of them can't seem to maintain.
Then she gets this brilliant idea that I should go appeal to my grandparents to buy me a two flat so that i can rent out the lower half and then my rent (i.e., the mortgage) will be lesser and i'll be building credit. It has a few pro's, such as the fact that i could begin to build credit and it'd be nice to have a rental property. However, I'm really no looking to take on the responsibility that is required at a point where i really just need to figure out what I want in life. And say I decide to go to Chicago after all. I don't need the added distraction of keeping track of the maintence and tenents in a duplex in another state. Furthermore, I can't not have someone in it because there's no way that I could afford to support the place even for a month without a tenent. And that's not a good situation to be in.
Her third proposition wasn't too bad, i mean it's bad, but its not that bad. Stay home for two months...at the end of which point, i'm hoping anyway, that I will have been able to save up about $2600. Theortically, from that I could purchase a car, and still have about $1600 left, from which just under $800 would go to rent, security deposit, and first months electric. So at that point i've got $800. $200 needs to buy me a new mattress. With what remains, i still need a few other things, groceries, microwave, i need something on which to put a tv, i need a couch...etc. I can go to IKEA and get most of that. But i also need car insurance. My quote from Geico was $950 for six months...But i just got a new one from AllState for $600. So yay.
So here's the plan. I'm gonna live at home until March, at which point i should have a car and be able to pay all of my upfront stuff all on my own. That way i don't have to worry about having a significantly decreased income for so long. If i can just stand my parents for 60 days i'll survive. This is like a reality tv show in the making: Surviving The Parents. So Yes, i'm going to live, and its going to be ok. I'm just not oging ot be home ever. I can do my slick, walk in, walk out, hide by myself on my computer. I just wont spend anytime around them. Honestly, if i'm working full time, and spending so much of my time out like i do, i shouldn't have to be with them too intensely. And they've all promised to try to behave more like sane individuals and less like the raging nutcases that tehy are so that we can all get along.
Warning: Half Naked Hot Chicks
Vicki Secrets Fashion Show on CBS soon, check your local listings
Hi There Guys
So today was a pretty crappy day. But I think it was one of the more worth it days. Although it complicated things a lot.
I spent today with my parents and my brother. Something occured to me while I was doing so. Being with them is like having a toxen introduced into my system. I've been so much happier since I moved out, and I couldn't figure out what it was. I've had some rough fucking days, but i don't display that general disdain for life and I don't feel like when the day is over i need to come home and rant to Mike about this thing and that thing. I'm not so upset anymore. I've been spending time happy and sane.
Today when I went home, and its been happening more recently, i got insanely impatient, upset, angry, mean, and just a generally not nice person, I haven't been like that in so long.
I guess now i just have to figure out how to swing where i'll be at the end of the semester
P.S. I lose my health insurance when i do this :p great.
All Right, That's It
Colin, Blog or the link comes down. It's been almost six months.
But I Don't Wanna
I have no interest in this. Really at all.
Melanie and her friend Tasha decided that I have join the girl train and go up to Park Bar tonight for their 18 and over night. Not only will they not let Mike go, cuz apparently its girls night out, but they all wanna get drunk before they go out which means not only are they gonna be running about drunk at the club, then they're going BACK to Danielle's and drinking more. Which means they all need a sitter. But I have to work in the morning and tehy refuse to accept that as a valid response for taking a rain check. I think I shouldn't have to go because I have to be up at 5 o'clock tomorrow so that I can make it to work on time (@ 7) Part of me wants to just flake on work and not go because first of all, I don't want to have to stay in tonight, and really, its only gonna be a grand total of 6 hours for the whole week. It is beyond that threshold where it's pointless. I think i'll tell them that my dying aunt kicked the bucket and I have to go back up for the funeral. Yeah, that I may do. I know it's bad of my but I am firmly not interested in going in tomorrow. I want to be able to go out and have some kind of fun tonight, I just don't think I'll be able to get up at 5 if I do. Ya know? And I don't want to take the risk. That wouldn't seem so bad if I had gotten more sleep last night or the night before. But hey, what can I say. The juice I bought at Wyllie has caffinne in it and I didn't know it. So at 5 this morning when I couldn't figure out why I wasn't tired, that was why. Yes. This is all true.
Change Of Plans
Now..*see above* Christmas will be back in December. In the mean time, I love teddy bears. And Mikey just bought me a super cute snuggly one.
Sillyness
Suzi came out here crying tonight over Travis and I was thinking of something weird. Theres like a funny bond between us. As angry as I get at her and as irratating as Melanie is, I really do have a bond with them in that funny not way. I dont know. It's silly. I've never really had this before.
*Sigh*
I feel much better now. I don't know why. Maybe because I guess i just get to be back in that state where I made a decision and i know whats going on. I think that's the real problem. I can't stand to be up in the air. I hate it.
Bbiam, Suzie's crying
Wow.
This is so strange. I have had the worst couple of weeks ever. I mean honestly, this is the worst i've felt in so long. I guess maybe thats just becasue its easy to forget how bad you felt last time. Which is good, because maybe i'll be able to forget all of this too.
It started with a fight with Mike, and then turned away from that to saying goodbye to Ian, and then switched gears and I was so excited that I was gonna go to Harrington, which aleiviated some of the stress about hating parkside and how really bad it has started to get to me, but that was underscored with a few hundred things. Before I even got the chance to be upset about moving so far away from Mike my mother was already rainiing on the parade, telling me it was a bad idea, basically. And then I come home, and i finally get to be properly upset, and then this TB shit hits...and the minute that it all finally sorta ends i end up over with mike getting dumped on again. He just like went about every reason that what i'm doing isn't the right choice for me. And then fucking colin is like "Just make sure its really what you want." And sure, everyone thinks they're being diplomatic and nice and polite but it certainly doesn't seem like it. It's all like i can't even be trusted to make my own decisions. Like everybody has to shepard me away because i'm gaurenteed to fuck up again.
Everybody is so quick to tell me that they think what i'm doing isn't right, and of course not directly, but no one has any idea what I should be doing instead or how they propose I do it.
Lets really think about this. So say I get a job making 10 dollars an hour working 40 hours a week, assuming I could figure out a way to get to work long enough to figure out how this driving thing works and get a car and of course we have to assume that i can find and get this job. I can't start work full time until school lets out. Thats not good. That means I have to move back home until i can get this car and being that they're re-working the entire structure of the house, i dont know how that will work. Unless, of course, I offered to buy a sofa on which I could sleep...Which would be a good idea, because I do need to also find time to buy some furniture. But, my mother is in the process of decorating, So an IKEA sofa would be the only real choice, since they have slip covers that I like and others that she likes, in order to make it work with her house for however long I have to stay and not something that i'm gonna hate when I move out.
I Hope This Works
I just called Kendra to see if she'd be willing to come in for me at 12:30 so i could get home and changed etc in time to catch the train to chicago, cuz that way i could get home in time to actually have a life, and stuff. Ya know. Cuz otherwise I'm never gonna get back and my mother's gonna be all freakedout the whole time because she's gonna have to drive out of Chicago, on a Friday, right during rush hour....It's not gonna be good
Ehhhh
Do you have any idea how sore my muscles are? If you do, can you tell me why, because I can't seem to figure it out.
The Christmas Edition
Yes...
You Guys Should Listen To Me
I think it would be a good idea. Melanie called me last night and asked if I thought it would be okay if she had some people over to drink. So I tell her yeah. An hour later she and the rest of the dance team show up at our apartment. They'd all had like two shots of something or other, and none of it was everclear. They got here, each downed a triple black and started falling into walls. They were drinking fucking Peppermint schnapps and Smirnoff. Exactly one of them was sober enough to drive.
I called Colin before Melanie's little friends came over and I told him he should come down cuz I was about to have a huge supply of drunken cheerleaders, and he didn't listen to me. Suuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrreeeeeeeee. He should've listened to me..... Danielle (not evil danielle, a different one...she went to her moms house) and I had a 30 minute conversation about how she swallows. She was a little drunk...She stayed here...and so did some other girl, who was too drunk to walk over to Ranger Hall...Yeah. As I was saying, Colin should come visit me more often and at least listen to me, because I"m always right.
Oh, and BTW, Bethe's after him again. She randomly showed up here yesterday and begged me to guess the number of condoms in the jar...and then when I got all disinterested she informed me that she had a dream about Colin last night and then babbled randomly about the story of 23 orgasms. Yeah. Why do I doubt that severely....er...i mean...something. Love you Cubby :P.
Oh well. I have to go take a shower, pick up a lofting kit, and then I think I need to go to the store cuz I have to find something to wear tomorrow...I think I have to go to the mall...ewww. I know. Toodles all, there is a gallon of Vodka and Koolaid in my refridgerator and I have to get rid of it before Melanie comes home and won't let me.
....
Maybe this is just my way of easing my guilt, but is this why you left me Ian? Maybe it is. Thank you.
Seven Channels - Breathe
It's been so long since you've gone away
And I know things will never be the same
I break it all down so it will show to me clear
But all the while I'm wishing you were here
In my dreams I can see and feel your face
But next to me sits an empty space
Sometimes this life doesn't make any sense to me
I need some time to heal and some space to breathe
I'm breathing you in and I'm breathing you out
I'm breathing you in and i'm breathing you out
Breathing you in and i'm breathing you in
I'm breathing you in
As I lay on the floor and I wonder why
The question lingers why did you die
I thank God for you and the memories
But I still wish you were here with me
I'm breathing you in and I'm breathing you out
I'm breathing you in and i'm breathing you out
Breathing you in and i'm breathing you out
I'm breathing you in
Gone away and I pray for the strength to
Strength to carry on
As I am breathing you in and I'm breathing you out
I still feel you though you're gone
I'm breathing you in and I'm breathing you out
Im breathing you in and i'm breathing you out
Breathing you in and i'm breathing you out
I'm breathing you in
Breathing you in and breathing you out
I'm breathing you in and i'm breathing you out
Breathing you in and i'm breathing you out
I'm breathing you in....(to fade)
I Never Thought That I'd Be Doing This Again
Do you know how fucking redundant it is to try to re-get a feel for rent in downtown Chicago. I've done this once before.
If I ever get this broke, shoot me between the eyes: "Single Hispanic/Irish mom looking for roommate to trade nightime childcare (no babies) 9p.m. to 8a.m. for free room and board.(It is free, not $100.00). They'll be sleeping, you can study/sleep. Your days are yours. Everything is negotiable.Close to Skyway, buses/Metra. Beach/huge Park 1blk. away. Cable, DSL" She's mexican and irish-catholic. That means she has like 50 children.
Beka's Breasts
For the record, I have no problem with them. They were merely very very well represented in the evenings photography. :P Apparently at the expense of an adorable picture of Colin. Which he will pay for, and dearly, next time I see him.
Uh-huh
"Have you ever licked the golden nugget."
Tasha has a foot fetish
ARG
Fuck these people and their messing up my network...there goes adam again...Prepare for me to upload more pictues to that other website :P
FUCK
I have 14 fucking spam e-mails today. Jesus christ!
*Sigh*
So Halloween, my favoritist holiday ever, is over for another 360 some odd days, and what am i left with? A few memories and CHRISTMAS :) What did I do? I went to Lucas's party, and even though everyone else thought I was bored, I quite enjoyed myself. For like the few seconds where I actually was bored, I drew on Colin's face and that made me feel better :P. Poor cubby. What would I do if he wasn't such a bitch?
My costume was lame...I ended up being a cheerleader. This year, I start early. Really early. And I find something I really like, and the time and energy to adjust what I don't like about it with something other than a hair tie. Mike dressed up, as the Pope. :) It was a big hit :). Almost as big a hit as Beka's breasts...Colin, Colin just dressed up as himself, thus the drawing on his face, it said "Colin's Costume" and he had a smiley face...A-ron went as a priest, with a very effective collar, a snap bracelet wtih a T-shirt wrapped around it. Beka and her breasts were Britney Spears, and nate, well...no one is sure quite what is costume was...It was just a black cloak and a black mask with a little red stripe around it...someone said angel of death...And Chris came as the Holy Ghizzost, which was cute.
I want a copy of the picture of Ray in mikes lap. :P Oh, and A-ron got a slutty catholic school girl to sit in his. Not the actual slutty catholic school girl, but someone dressed up as one.
Now, the decorations have to come down in preparation for christmas decor, and everything gets to go home again, which depresses me slightly. I'm not as big a fan of christmas as I am of halloween.
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