Phrase of hte Day:

Brought to you, curtosy of a TV documentary about the Amish, no less, the phrase "carrying up to several" was used to refer to traders, circa 1700, in the midwest and their heavy packs of pelts and beads.

"A small, peaceful community, occupied only by fisherman, farmers and the occasional band of pirates" is the phrase of the day, again, curtosy of a TV documentary, this one, about Hong Kong.

Poor Sad C-SPAN

This morning, I am mourning the loss of a friend. The first time I typed this, a URL I love so dearly, and got an unfriendly "Server Not Found" prompt from Firefox, I assumed I must have made a typo. I - calmly, patiently, almost lovingly - retyped and refreshed, waiting happily for the C-SPAN 2 "Watch" link to load, with it's friendly little Windows Media Player logo, but none came.

No, ladies and gent's, C-SPAN is down.

C-SPAN is down, the Senate is in session and I am not watching. It must be a very cold day in hell.

Poll Time!

Not so long ago, I coined the term "Hefty Paradox." If Stephen Colbert and my boyfriend can turn "troops" into a singular and refer to one soldier as "a troop," contradicting the definition of troop as a group of soldiers - note the term GROUP - I can create a paradox.

The paradox is this - it is the dilema in which a woman of any age finds herself in when considering the prospect of a one-night stand - namely, the fear of ending the evening in a construction dumpster, BTK'd in a Hefty Cinch Sack.

Thus, I must ask those of you who have not been heavily involved in serious, monogamous relationships since day one, how does one avoid being caugh in this dilema? Does the Hefty Paradox not occur to you and that allows you to carry on with your relative sluttiness? Am I strange for not only thinking of it but spending the time to make it into a term? Do you imagine that you "know" the people who are taking you into their regular room at the BDSM club?

I'm not saying you have to leave me a comment or send me an e-mail, but I really would like to know. And, hey, if you're worried about anonymity, my help desk is entirely ANON.

Bad TV

Here I sit - or lay, or kind of both - switching between the position in which my spine doesn't hurt and the position where the pressure in my head is temporarily relieved and the position where i'm throwing up from the inability to find a position where my head and my spine and my head don't hurt.

As i'm doing this, i'm watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. As a general rule, this show is insanely melodramtic and medically inaccurate, and yet i continue to watch. One, because i'm alone every Monday night and it's infinately better than watching the 9 o'clock news and two becasue the narrative at the beginning and end of the episodes is invariably good. Humerous and bitter but decidedly profound - it's what my blog wishes it could be if i were less verbose and more clear :) Other than trying to summon myself to not vomit again, I made this post for a reason - this show has had one of those dramatic endings...every 15 minutes since the beginning of the epiosde and I - I am annoyed.

I'm really starting to wish that there was someone around to hold my hair and bring me 7UP and soda crackers and advil.

Angering the Gods

My boyfriend was groped by a woman named Ellen tonight and the Kennedy's truely have angered the gods.

From MSNBC: Lightning strikes Sen. Kennedy's Plane

BOSTON - A plane carrying U.S. Sen. Edward M. Kennedy from western Massachusetts to his home on the coast was struck by lightning Saturday and had to be diverted to New Haven, Conn., his spokeswoman said.

The eight-seat Cessna Citation 550 plane lost all electrical power, including communications, and the pilot had to fly the plane manually, according to spokeswoman Melissa Wagoner. No one was hurt.

The Democrat had just delivered the commencement address at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts in North Adams and was on his way to his Cape Cod home when the plane was struck around 4 p.m., she said.

The jet landed safely at New Haven at 4:11 p.m., said Federal Aviation Administration spokeswoman Arlene Murray. A report was filed with the agency, which will look into the incident, she said.

Kennedy planned to stay in Connecticut overnight because he was scheduled to return to western Massachusetts on Sunday to deliver a commencement address at Springfield College, Wagoner said.

© 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Papa Bear

Portions of this post are brought to you by extreme sleep deprivation and copious amounts of coffee that would stop a 400lb, tattooed, cocaine addicted, trucker in his tracks.

If Stephen hates the Bear Agenda so much, why does he call his LAS (Lord and Savior), Bill O'Reilly, Papa Bear? A slight anachronism I dare say.

I'm sorry, there is nothing on television on Saturday mornings but Gardening with Joe, Gardening with Jerry and Gardening with Jerry and Joe. I'm not the same without my C-SPAN.

Humor

Should I take it as a sign that most things I find funny are considered morose or, at the very least, simply not funny, by most people? I know i'm not the only one wtih this sense of humor - oh-so-many of my friends have shared it but, seriously.

Season Finale

I will not blog before coffee. I will not blog before coffee. I will not blog before coffee.

Technically, is it blogging before coffee if you haven't slept since the last time you had coffee even if you have passed go - sans $200?

It's not much of a rule, it's not much of a routine but I can't help it. Last night was the season finale of my favorite show. I love the Gilmore Girls. I really really do.

6.22 started off so well - it really did. As i'm watching it again now, I'm remembering the promise I felt when the Alfred Stieglitz reference appeared quickly followed by the words "at least i'm clothed in these" because the implication of unclothed behavior from my beloved Logan is always something that inspires hope but, alas, disappointment. They did manage to hold off on Alexis Bledel attempting tears until the end of the episode - she didn't start crying until the last few seconds of the show and she was doing it in a very "sleepy" way because he'd just woken her up but it was nevertheless bad and I was totally unprepared for it. There wasn't enough popcorn.

As it were, the alleged nudity was the highpoint of an episode that threw more girly lines Logan's way than Lorelai's and by the end of the episode had her and Luke on very shakey ground - something that I find sad in an odd way. On the one hand, Luke and Lorelai is the ship that this series has been pumping since literally episode one of the first season so i'm inclined to think that it's a total bummer it's not going so well right now but, on the other hand, I couldn't be happier that we're hopefully able to move beyond pompus Luke and sad, lonely, depressed, wounded Lorelai. It's gloomy and I don't need anymore gloom in my life as I provide my own quite well.

To boot, as we fade to black until August on the story that is Luke and Lorelai - the eternal ship - we see GG - Christopher's daughter - running into what one can only assume is Christopher's bedroom to find Lorelai, eyes open - top clearly off - laying in Christopher's bed. This will be, not the first, but the second time Christopher has screwed things up for Luke and Lorelai and I suspect the third or fourth throughout the series that he has swooped in and destroyed Lorelai's lovelife and whatever it is that we were all rooting for at the time. Max, Jason - oh yes, we even rooted for Jason - and now Luke.

Why do I care? Why is that I would rather the series followed Logan to London - because Alexis Bledel can't act and Lorelai won't stop skulking. The only characters worth watching are Scott and Matt (Luke and Logan respectively) and, while they have signed for season seven, I am nevertheless concerned that the series will take it's final dunk into the toilet bowl if the new writers (yay!) don't find a way to get Logan out of London. He's too pretty to end up with British teeth - seriously. I suspect it would never be the same if anything were allowed to impact that gravely voice of his. Oi with the poodles!

For those of you who didn't watch or don't download, here are a few of the cute quote highlights because TVTwiz will be a while with the transcripts I suspect and my quotes document is pushing 50 pages with a vengence.

No, you talked and I disagreed and then you laid down your ruling. [paraphrased]

RORY: Oh, I can avoid people with the best of them. LOGAN: I didn't say people, I said Huntzberger’s.

LUKE [To Taylor]: How interested do I look in talking to you?

Bohemian people - can I have your attention please?

Can you say 'BTK?'

Ooh, staying out all night? Anything fun and illegal?

Half the time people talk to me I’m thinking of Baryshnikov

Stop imagining me in tights

I can hear my soul dying.

I know how mad you get when I bring ICP with me.

Starving. Would love a drink.

OH my god! It's the WMD's! Call the President!

Remember when you wanted a personalized license plate - this building is so much better!

Enjoy her while her legs are still short enough that she can be overtaken

What the hell kind of spy school did you go to?

This is how all great divorces start!

I don't think there is a technical term for that yet

Voices in your head, totally normal - right? There are only two that speak English

You're going to break into a chorus of chim-chiminey any minute aren't you?

Gerta, did I fire you?

There is no one worse at communication than my mother - except my father and my extended family.

I love that I’ve found one more thing to blame my mother for!

I don’t like Mondays but unfortunately they come around eventually.

Small, Medium, Large

Once upon a time in a land that seems far far away you could get a lot of things in three different sizes; small, medium and large. Now maybe there are some parts of the world where this is still going on but, here, in the United States of America, we have embraced a new tradition: medium, large, extra large, and as big as your head.

Today, while I was tinkering with the new version of MSN Messenger 8.0, something rather unsettling struck me. You see, several years ago, McDonalds was saddled with a very large civil suit alleging that they were responsible for making people fat. At around the same time, some idiot released a DVD documentary called Super Size Me. Now, again, for those of you that are unfamilliar, McDonalds origintaed, in fast food form at least, the extra large. A 32 oz soda and an amount of french fries that no person should ever consume in one sitting all for $3.00 and the health of your heart. Getting back to the civil suit though, in response to public pressure, McDonalds released a line of salads and grilled chicken salad made from parts of the chicken that cost more than $0.004 per lb in addition to what was a very socially responsible move - dropping the Super Size. Many were pleased - that is, until they tried to order a small soda and got a cup that had "medium" scratched out on the bottom. My boyfriend, however, has never had occasion to begrudge this change as his massive, 32-ounce Coke is still available - they simply renamed it "large." Are you following me yet? In ridding themselves of supersize what they actually did is rid themselves of the small to make you feel less guilty for ordering a cancer-causing beverage as big as your head.



What I'm getting at is that today, the day of strange occurances, I discovered something that has only small and medium. Granted, it's a piece of software, but what the hell.

The real thing that occured to me is this - how is it possible for you to have a small and a medium or a small and a large or a medium and a large or a supersize without three to reference them to? A medium is a median between two things and without a large and a small, one can't define medium.

Crabby coders and all that jazz. No coffee. No sleep. Bad idea. By the way, my avatar - how totally Punky Brewster is that face. I was so jazzed :)

Disappointment

I am a little saddened that no one I know told me about this before and that I don't own one. Prepare to be glowered at.

The Kennedy's

I love the Kennedy's. Never has there been a family this funny. Never.

"Rep. Patrick Kennedy, son of Sen. Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts, crashed his car into a barricade on Capitol Hill early Thursday morning, the Rhode Island Democrat said."

[CNN: "Kennedy Accident"]