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Friday, June 22

Common Sense Is A Republican

I got this today in a forward at work...and you all know how much I love those.

My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by until today I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance. For Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

Obituary
Common Sense


Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as
knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the
worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children
are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a
student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant
and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better
treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar
can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He
is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to
Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If
you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
nothing.

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Wednesday, June 20

Annoying News

Today, the news is annoying.

Seriously, from the MySpace Presidential campaign contributions and the you tube sopranos spoof to the frnot page "oh my god, a small can can still be safe in a collision" article, I'm starying to lose my mind.

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Tuesday, June 19

See Obama Run

Seeeeeeee.... slimey mother fucker.

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Tuesday, June 5

Clinque...For Men?

Oh. My. God.

Those of you who know me well, and if you've been reading this for any duration, you can probably count yourself among the afor mentioned crowd, know that I rail on the "metrosexual" about as hard as anyone can without getting the Nerf Anger Bats out, so it should come as no surprise to you that this soft news article made me more than a little sad.

I think it was the first time in all of my years that I actually wanted to think they were referring to the twelve and thirteen year old eyeliner wearing, My Chemical Romance retards.

*sigh*

I get that you guys want to look good, I really do. The concealer I could probably forgive, and I personally thought it was a triumph when it was suggested to some of the ill coifed that they start using an aftershave with moisturizer in it because boy do you guys get rough and scaley fast, but this brow gel is going just a wee bit too far for my tastes.

Oy.

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Friday, June 1

Jack Is Back, Microsoft Falls Out Of Favor And Other Things To Do While Avoiding Your Co-Workers