Best Night Ever

So aside from the fact that it would be faster to have written this in Sanskrit and sent out smoke signals (Blogger may or may not be responding slugishly) tonight is going extremely well.

A few months back, the simulate pressure tool on my photoshop pen stopped working - something that has presented me with great difficulty since I liked my pipes desktop and I would be more than happy to make more in that style but I couldn't and that made me sad.

Okay, rant over.

Anyway, after asking for support on several forums and getting the most moronic suggestions ever. "Are you sure the box is clicked?" I don't know, jackass, I included a screencap and a video capture of me clicking the option on and then setting a stroke to find that the simulate pressure wasn't working, even though it was on. I don't know - do you think I clicked it?

All right, now the rant is really over.

So tonight I saved all of my gradients and styles and patterns and uninstalled the softwware. Then, about ten minutes later, i realized that my version of InstallShield seems to be shot and the words "kernal upgrade" were involved in the error code fix page on their website. I was terrified. Fortunately, adobe didn't use installshield and went in easy as pie and, guess what, in 10 minutes, my settings were back to normal and my simulate pressure tool is working again :)

Amazing Systems

Tonight I was without internet access for several hours because I moved my PC to another room and the amazing system of Ethernet in my house doesn't provide a line to this room. (If you were curious, the amazing system I was referring to consists of two holes in the floor and a 50 foot cat-5 line running through them. Really, its intense.) So, since my USB Wireless Antenna is on it's 10^th loan to someone, I'm trucking through about six hours until I manage to rig two 14 foot cat-5 lines together (with the wireless router as a connector) and get back to my beloved internet.

In the mean time, however, I've undertaken 100 or so projects that I needed to take care of, the least of which isn't the thing that started all of this in the first place, moving a shit load of furniture. Then, I cleaned out my hard drive. Let me tell you what it looks like to clean up 467 gigs of storage. (Again, if you were curious – scary.) The main point of posting this – truthfully – is that I wanted to tell you about the worlds longest format ever.

I've formatted a lot of things in my life – from floppies to actual hard drives and never in my entire life have I ever had to wait so long for a format. I have been formatting for a half hour. No, I'm not kidding. I've been driven to sitting here, watching what is possibly the worst show ever on television (and I'm including the Simple Life in that ranking) while trying to format my cursed iPod. See, the day before Christmas, my iPod died. I was, of course, prepared for this with a three year Best Buy warranty for when this thing broke so that was OK. A month with the Geek Squad and they sent it back to me with a new hard drive and in the same condition.

I was not, all together, displeased.

So, here I sit, still waiting, while this thing formats during the reinstall so I can kill some more time by filling it with music. And this, my friends, brings me to my second rant.

Progress Bars That Lie

Progress bars normally lie to a certain degree. They tell you that you are 98% finished and they are not. There is, however, one form of progress bar that is more vile, even than the one that stalls when you think you’re almost there. The kind of progress bar that has no relevance to actual progress. Sure, it tells you that it's actually working on it by continuing to loop around and around and around but what ever happened to the concept of a progress bar telling you how far a task had progressed rather than just that it had progressed. I seem to remember that being the original concept. In fact, if I recall correctly, other cute little gif animations are used to tell you something is working – like the papers flying into the recycle bin when you delete a file or the way the windows flag blows in the wind when your internet browser is downloading or uploading a file. Never – ever – have I seen the IE progress bar loop and loop and loop infinitely, and then I remembered what the problem was. I am no longer in the logical, relevant world of the PC – I have entered the land of the mac and nothing makes any sense.

(If you're still curious – yes, it’s still formatting.)

As much as I love graphic design and as much as I realize that Mac makes some of the best design platforms out there – or did, until the 64 bit chip – I could never make the iSwitch. Don’t think I haven't given them a fair shake! As a kid, I went to a small private school – and there is nothing that a small private school liked better in 1992 than an Apple. I haven't tried OSX and I don't ever plan to because, let's face it, it's really just a matter of which OS sucks less and Windows has my vote all the way.

For now, I'm going to go back to eating my cashew chicken and staring, mesmerized, at my useless progress bar to wait for the Rapture.

No, They Really Have Everything

For my younger readers, move on, because this is another Totally Random Search Result and, as always, it's smutty as hell.

I searched "double shot" today on YotoPhoto [Clicky] in search of an image of a shot glass. For the record, I got a few... It does bring to mind a carpentry project Dennis Leary proposed in No Cure For Cancer, though....

What i'm really driven to point out here is this (i followed a few links because, what the hell else are you going to do at 1 am but read the wiki entry on dildos?)

" In Japan, many dildos are created to resemble animals or cartoon characters, like Hello Kitty, so that they may be sold as toys, thus avoiding obscenity laws."

I. Want. One.

Otaku Boyfriend

This link is curtosy of the kids at The Dark Arts and for my wonderful Wanna-Be Otaku Boyfriend

White Guys and Asian Girls

Keys To Life

My vectors and I get no love at The Dark Arts.

I can post and post and post and of course I get 'that's so cute!" but no one has any idea what to say, it seems. They look, they compliment, they move on. And not many stop either :P Sure, I can pull maybe five in a two day period if i'm lucky and the thread stays near the top but, even so, most threads end up with three or four times that for commentary on their things that...well, things that people who post at the dark arts know how to deal with.

Today...Today I found the love :)

I figured there had to be a "correct" place to stick my latest set of avatars - the cute little cartoon animals - on Deviant Art, and so I investigated and it was revealed. Within minutes of posting the first one, there was a comment. And while I was still working on the upload of all of them (indi-fucking-vidually) comments and favs were flying in left and right (well, all right - for a newbie with like four things posted)

I was excited and now i'm gloating. :)

Food OBsessions

Everyone goes through food phases. They find things that they're completely in love with and attach to until, if they eat it again, they'll vomit.

Right now, i'm obsessed with portofinio lettuce mix and ceaser dressing :P

I know that no one cares but I figured if I didn't blog about something other than child molesters, my blog would have it's mood taken down pretty harshly :)

Small Victories and Delayed Justice

Tonight, a toast to small victories and delayed justice.

This has been an rough six months for me. Actually, this has been a rough decade for me, but the last six months has been intensely painful.

Tonight I got the best piece of news I've had in a long time. It will seem like a small victory, to those of you that haven't spent five years in my shoes. Tonight, I can sleep. True, it doesn't solve everything. For several months of unrest and nerves, I fianlly get a moments peace. Tonight, I owe a debt of gratitude and an appology to a girl i've never met.

Sean was convicted, finally. It's a Catch 22, because it comes at a price - that price being someone elses pain, but it's finally happened. For thirty days, he can spend his nights paying for what he's done. And starting March 11th, he can spend the next 365 days on probation. It's too little, and it's too late, but it's something.

Tonight, raise a glass to an asshole who hurt too many.

Time Sensative

Okay, so for those of you reading this in time - you have to turn on C-SPAN.

Rep. Tom Price has his Truth Squad charts out again!!



[Watch C-SPAN Online]

Quote from Rep. Louie Gohmert

"I think that sending for help in the UN is like sending raw food to a kitchen full of corruption and selfishness. "

I....Oh my god, I don't know how you guys can watch this and find it anything other than hilarious! My stomach hurts! I also thought I'd share with you that I am, apparently, the only perosn watching this, including the other members of the house.

I would try to combine the hilarity of all of this into one post but I've never seen more charts or heard more hilarity in any 20 mintes of House proceedings ever.

It's Been Done

It's finally here, a commercial telling you to Google something :)

Tonight, I saw it.

Google Pontiac :)

The Academy Awards

I never watch awards shows. They're insane and I hate them, but this year I might have to break my rule.

Now I know i'm behind because my entertainment IQ is exceedingly low, but nevertheless, I saw a commercial today with Jon Stewart doing a bit on the Oscars and then I realized - he's hosting this year.

So i might have to check in on it from time to time :)

Is This The New Age?

Last night, someone posed a challenge at The Dark Arts. This has no relevance to what i'm about to say, but I thought I would give it credit for starting this little post of mine. The challenge was called "A Tribute to the Losers." It's goal? To break people out of the nasty habit of only making graphics containing the so-called "beautiful people." At this, I leapt.

"Ted Kennedy," I screamed.

"Wait, no! Tom Delay!" I countered.

"Stop," my creative center shouted, "Do Scooter Libby!"

In the end of my noisy argument with myself, I settled on Tucker Carlson. But Bill O'Reily and Hilary, Condy, Barbara Boxer and Tipper Gore were also thrown around in the bull pen that night. This morning, as I dug around for images of my loathed Tucker that weren't pixelated, tiny or so inflamatory i'd have to hurt him on the spot, I realized something that caused me to die a little inside.

Is this the new age?

Is this millenium going to turn out a generation of human beings like me? People who watch C-SPAN compulsively, then turn aroudn and watch, read or listen to hours of coverage an proceedings that have little or nothing to do with the actual political process or it's outcome for it's entertainment value rather than it's relevance to their lives? We all know how I feel about media whores like Tucker Carlson and Bill O'Reilly and, if you don't, I think Jon Stewart said it best when he said "You're hurting us, you dick!"

We have people like Richard Engel working on projects that are actually called things as horrible and inane as "Blogging Baghdad" while Hardball and Larry King Live carry on perpetuating the problem.

Three years ago, I might have said that all of these shows were a good thing. Anyone can attest to the fact that i'm a big fan of making learning fun :) My brother learned to read, write and do math by the age of three using video game software for our PC. As you can imagine, i've been a believer in it ever since, but I dont know that we should really be making a game out of politics for the 175lb infants that inhabit this nation. What's worse is, I feel myself being sucked in and I have quite a bit of respect for my own intelligence.

For me, it's a coping mechanism. I use it in all aspects of my life. Destroyed house? Funny. Poked a hole in the wall while trying to paint? Hilarious. My only friend in the world dies and I like to think of a it as a punchline. The political process in this country has become the same for me - keep laughing or you'll dissolve into unrestrainable tears. Still, at least I watch the actual process. The delivery of the State of the Union - the only involvement the average American will have in Politics Today even carries little resemblance to actual politics. It means nothing in the end.

I'm starting to wonder if this is really the new age. Have we finally reached a point in society where we regard even the things we should hold most dear as a comedy of errors? Is there any hope left that America will ever recover from life after the First Kennedy?

I'm sorry, this post isn't particularly plotted, outlined or anything other than exhausted rambling and it most certainly isn't as quippy as I usually like to be but everyone is granted their moments of desperation.

Three Things

1. I noticed, a few days ago, that people had hearts with arrows though them made out of christmas lights hanging in their windows, and I was infurated. As you may remember, I hate lights. [Halloween Lights] Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the house a block or two from mine that never fails to provide me with haphazardly blinking lights for chirstmas (and this year for halloween) hits another homerun for Valentine's Day. I must say, this is the first year i've ever seen them hit this many holiday's with lights on a large scale.

What is the world coming to?

2. My teeth fucking hurt. No, you're not reading Mike's blog, you're reading mine. But my wisdom teeth, which have been coming in for almost a year now, are acting upyet again and it's making my entire jaw throb.

3. Tonight I took a trip down memory lane in the course of a conversation with someone and happened upon the oldest of Mike's blogs I can find. (Tumors - who remembers Tumors? - has long since been overwritten by some prat.) [The New Intellectual]

What I Did Today

About a week ago, I decided it was high time to get to know someone that I like to call "my favorites list."

It's a big fucking list, so I came prepared. I spent what must have been almost five hours going through all o the things i've bookmarked, re-filing them in neatly organized cascading folder menues and everything was great. And then, then came IE 7 and now, here I sit, moving those favorites, link by link, the hard way, from Firefoz to IE because they haven't leanred to play well together. All, so that I can finally convert completely back to IE because I want to.

I'll get back to you on more realistic gripes and grievences later.

Oh, and stup setting every god damn torrent you ever uploaded up as an ISO, it's annoying and unnecessary. Fuck you.

It's Getting OK

So i figured one fangirlish moment should be followed by another. Mugglenet reported today that it's all going to be OK.

We've just been told by Warner Bros that both actors (playing Sirius Black and Lupin, respectively) WILL be appearing in Order of the Phoenix - they will begin filming in the summer. This comes as rumors earlier today were reporting the contrary.

I would have linked the article for you but Mugglenet doesn't appear to support perma-linking. (Honestly!)

Tonks

I try, generally, not to rant about my Harry Potter nonsense here, for those of you who periodically try to sit down and have an adult conversation wiht me. Doubtless for those of you who oocasionally seek council or confidence, i'd like to leave you with some shred of faith that i still have my sanity but, as is usual, sometimes I have to break that code to say "What the fuck?"

As you may or may not remember, in so many of my seething rants about Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the last book release, the only thing that I was happy about - true, the only thing that I positively gushed about - I was happy as Larry about the realization of a ship that I've sailed since OOTP was released and Tonks was introduced. Tonks and Lupin. Two of what are my favorite characters from the series, save Dumbledore, were meant for one another since their inception but JKR, being the general dunce that she manages to be with regard to all other major plot movement, we - the shippers - were convinced would never see it. To our delight she did, and we were pleased.

And then...then there was this. The casting list for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix the fifth book and next movie. The fisrt key point that I, as a Remus/Tonks fangirl and Tonks efficienado checked for was her casting. Lupin has long since been cast and is played by the mildly disturbing David Thewlis who, should I ever need to cast a child molester, I'll call immediately. (No, don't sue me for defamation of character - i'm not saying he is a child molester, i'm just saying that the long walks in the woods with Professor Lupin were more than a little wierd.)

A long time ago, I came to the mind that Natalie Imbruglia was the perfect Tonks. Not the new Natalie Imbruglia with the longer hair and the slimmer lines that leave her looking slightly ill, but the Natalie Imbruglia of the late nineties who made a one-hit wonder here in the States with Torn. [One | Two | Three | Four]

She has the soft facial features but still pixie-ish look sthat were always required for a character so full of naieve joy, but she also holds a quality I've always claimed Tonks would have in the hands of any other author - depth. (Not Natalie herself, but her appearance. Other than Torn and a cameo in Johnny English, i'm not familliar with her acting career at all.) Needless to say, I was positive they weren't actually going to cast her but I could hope nonetheless.

Given that you all clearly understand my expectations of the character now (and for those of you who can restrain from mocking me - there are about 30,000 words of my further characterization of her floating about the web) you can understand why I was entirely suprised and disgusted when my gleeful, joyous, clumsy and distantly burdened - though sweetly innocent in spite of it Tonks was announced to be played by....her

Now I assumed that the casting director had suffered a minor stroke, for this girl is neither pixie-ish, nor cute, nor sweet with almond shaped eyes. Yes, she's clearly willing to dye her hair pink, whch is an expectation of the role (with a possible temporary shade change to purple) but I'm sure than anyone could be pursuaded with the proper amount of cash and the Harry Potter dynasty is more than able to oblige those requests.

I would have assumed this, has the next peice of news not reached my ears only a few minutes later. First, the dreaded backstory.

Sirius Black is Harry's Godfather. In youth - he was Harry's father', James', best friend. As you'll all recall, the dark wizard, Voldemort, killed Harry's parents and tried to kill Harry, but failed. This has left Harry and Voldemort with an overly cliched connection of the minds - namely that they can pry into one anothers thoughts and emotions. This is important. Commit it to your short term memory. Getting back to Sirius however, there's a little bit of additional story for him. He was worngfully convicted of the murders of 13 muggles and one wizard in borad daylight and assumed to be spying for Voldemort. (He was assumed to have sold out the Potter's and to be responsible - if by extension - for their deaths. This honor was really held by the wizard he was accused of killing, one Peter Pettigrew. As it turned out, he ddin't actually kill him - he tried, of course, but Peter escaped and pretended to be Harry's best-friends pet rat for 12 years.) Now that that's all understood, in OOTP, Harry beigns having strange nightmares and these nightmares involve a place inside of the Ministry of Magic called the Department of Mysteries. They got progressively longer throughout the year and Dumbledore (the headmaster of the school and Gandolf the Great of Harry Potter) does everything in his power to stop the dreams from happening but won't tell Harry why. (Did you really remember the bit about prying into one another's minds?) In the end of the book, Harry has a dream or vision or whtaever you wuold like to clal it in which Sirius is in the Department of Mysteries being tortured by Voldemort. As Harry is the only person who knows this is happening and has no means of notifying anyone who can help Sirius, he does that thing he does that makes the series a Hero story and jumps on creepy lizard horses and makes for London to save him. As it turns out, it's a trap. Long story short, however, Sirius (and Lupin, and Dumbledore and a fair few others) appear to save Harry and his friends from the bad guys - here known as Death Eaters (original, no?) - and Sirius ends up dying.

As you mght have gathered from this - it's a rather large deal. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - yeah, Sirius was the prisoner. He's not only a character beloved by many teen girls, but he has an entire book dedicated to him. So when it was announced that Gary Oldman, who plays Sirius Black, had not been signed for the OOTP film, I was confused.

Miore than confused, I was perplexed.

For four movies they've hugged the storyline to such a degree that impresses those of us who realize how far screenplay writers normally stray. (Naturally, they don't hug it so closely as to keep from infuriating teenage girls who would like to have the costume designers strung up for putting Emma Watson (Hermione Granger) in a pink dress for the Ball rather than a blue one but well enough that you could watch the movies and skip reading the books without missing enough to make it confusing.

All in all, I've no idea what to think, so I'm focusing on the Happy Feet trailer.

"I know size can be daunting, but don't be afriad. I love you..." *dances*

Grandpa Munster: Farewell

Browisng the news today, I was greeted with this bit of bad news and I thought I should share it with anyone reading - just in case any of you loved the Munsters and much as I do. Grandpa Munster died today. :(

[MSNBC: Munsters Star "Grandpa" Al Lewis Dies at 95]

Wikipedia: Version 2.0

This is the most I have ever posted about Wikipedia in my life.

When Mike mentioned this article to me this morning, it seemed like just the sort of thing that I would blog about. (I've been avoiding the news since the confirmation went through and until the State of the Union fervor has finally died. I'm a process girl. Once the damage has been done, I can't handle watching the destruction.)

[MSNBC: On Capitol Hill, Playing WikiPolitics]

It seems that staffers have made a recent push to edit the Wikipedia entries on those which they are paid menial sums to sling paper for. They've been pulling any information that might make their respective congressmen look, well, like a politician - references to campaign promises that have gone unfulfilled or, worse, contradicted.

So, in response, Wikipedia has banned all IP's from Capitol Hill.

To borrow from Lewis Black, I'll repeat that, my gentle snowflakes.

They have banned Capitol Hill.

Kudos to you, Wikipedia. And, kudos to you, staffers, for knowing what's really important to your job security. 10/10 all around. Well played, boys.

Personable

I have often been accused of being stand-offish and impersonal on the web, which I find odd considering I spend a few hours a night discussing my sex life with several people and an equal amount of time throughout the week updating this fucking thing - it makes me wonder why. In any case, I was terrified this morning reading a post made by a fellow blogger and thought I would share one of my biggest fears.

Jellyfish.

I am not afraid of sharks, the giant manta ray, snakes or mice but i am terrified of jellyfish. Once upon a time, Mike and I went to see an IMAX movie and there was a 3d trailer for some other IMAX movie. (The one we were seeing was space related. The trailer was not.) The next thing you know, a six foot tall, 3-dimensional jelly fish is splooshing toward my face with an intent to kill flashing in it's bioluminescent goo. The fact that I did not scream in terror is a testement to the fact that I can, when faced with an imminent percieved danger, fling my hands infront of my face at mach 4.

Yes, I realize these creatures are 98% water. I also realize, however, that that is one of the scariest fucking things about them and that Jellyfish simply should not be. Portugese Manowar? I think not.

This, i will extend to you as a bit of antecdotal humor about me. Once upon a time, i was obsessed wtih marine archeology. Truthfully, I still am, but I have since then realized that I have two fears which prevent me from partaking in this career field at the present moment, but first, the only time in my life I was ever truely convinced I was going to die.

When I was 15 or 16 I went on a marine archeological "dig" hosted by Texas A&M @ Galveston. It was a local thing - a load of wooden gravel haulers sunk to develop a break-water in Lake Superior. 20 or so Grad Students were spending their entire summer in 5mm thick wet suits, shivering their asses off diving these wrecks in four hour blocks. I spent a weekend there....freezing my ass off in a 5mm thick wet suit. Clearly, there are no Jellyfish in this story. There was, however, one ill fated dive in which we came up upon one of the ships so fast I was certain I was about to take a header into it. Taking a header into anything in scuba gear is ill advised, particularly when that something is covered in gross and several hundred years old.

Let me tell you what having a panic attack feels like when your oxygen is being provided by a tank. Not the best ever. Even 20 feet under the surface and 100 yards off from the shore you feel pretty much like you're going to die an imminent death.

Anyways, yes. So between jellyfish, which regularly inhabit the pretty, tropical shipwrecks that amateur divers visit year-round in hawaii and knowing full well that I am certain I will die with a scuba tank strapped to my back, it's just not going to happen. Sad, really, because I know everything there is to know.

Anyways, that's my effort to be personable for the day.

It Gets Better...

Today is apparently just a weird day for browsing. I was scrolling through blogger looking for an image or something that would provide me with some skinspiration for my post-v-day skin. I have to update it sometime.



Yeah, I don't know. From the blog: God Is Not An Asshole.

Pat Robertson and Insane Lawsuits

Yesterday I woke up to Pat Robertson. Today, Geraldo Rivera.

What, exactly is wrong with my TV? Is it launching a siege against my well being. It's a wonder I can't sleep at night, i'm having horrific dreams of all the obnoixous things these two idiots have said over the past 15 minutes.

Carrying on to the next horrific thing that happened today. I was scrolling through the news, like you do. Now yesterday, Mike went on one hell of a tyrade over a massive (and it was massive) judgement for a class action suit against Phillip Morris over - you guessed it - a man who died of some sort of smoking related cancer. I believe, in fact, that this suit was related to the 'misadvertisement' of light cigarettes. Anyways, that has nothing to do with what I wanted to rant about. I wanted to rant about this.

[Man Sues Apple Over Potential Hearling Loss: Syndicated at Slashdot]

I dont...I...Are you fucking kidding me? I swear to you, if you volume level my fucking iPod because you aren't intelligent enough to use the volume controls or buy some better headphones I will end you. Personally.

There is no romance in the world.

Screen Names & Sex

In all these years, i've had an inordinate amount of screennames. I mean, a lot.

For those of you that know me, i'm story for the backstory that i'm about to endevor into but we'r ethe only ones that do this so the masses need to know. Among my friends, it is common, if not expected, thta you will change your screenname every day - or at least every few days. The same goes for MSN's personal message feature. Every day...every few days...It has to be done.

We have a sort of competition going for who can get the best name going.

After King's funeral, it was a myriad of confused, distraught and destoryed psyche's struggling to get something to the left of a grasp of a reality they could swallow. Slug has never been quoted so much in a two week period in his life. For the most part, we aim for the bitter, sarcastic and quippy. As most of you know, I have a 30 page and growing word document immortalizing some fo the best, worst and soon to be used in screennames, so...ya know...it's a lot.

A few days ago, I switched my personal message to a Lewis Black quote:

"Oral sex should be an olympic sport because it's harder than curling and if you're good at it, you should get a medal."

WIthin the next few days I got 15 messages (including one from Mike's mother and his sister, each) messages with various comments on it.

I am starting to see a pattern. The last time that many people not only loved my screenname but felt the need to say something about it was at Tom Robbins quote from Half-Asleep In Frog Pajamas.

"Show me a wife who doesn't suck cock and I'll show you a man I can steal."

...apparently oral sex needs to be my continued screenname theme if I am to be loved.