Aoooooooooooh!

Does it scare anyone else when Oprah beds down with the devil himself?

I know he's anti pedophile but come on.

Fish Eye Winery: Thinking Inside of the Box

Now we all know how I feel about boxed wine. I also feel negatively about the ginat bottles of wine that are practically kegs in and of themselves. I also have a problem with people who don't store their wine on a decline and let the cork dryout then get confused as to why their wine goes rancid.

I have a lot of problems with people and with wine but today...today I got a laugh. Fish Eye is advertising boxed wine as an equivolent to the casks used to store the raw...well, grape juice.

[url=http://www.fisheyewines.com/]Fish Eye Wines[/url]

Instant Valentine's Day Survival Guide

For a woman, Valentine's Day is about being remembered. It's about someone focusing on you long enough to choose a gift. The irony, however, si that Valentine's Day is so heavily advertised and heavily commercialized that men have to go to almost no effort to remember or choose a gift. Some of us are aware of that, but shush, don't ruin it for yourself.

For men, I suspect Valentine's Day is overwhelming. Too many sitcoms have given you the impression that you have to do something over the top - massage oils, flower petals, a dozen roses and diamond earrings - in order to make a dent in our expectations. The truth of the matter is that that's simply wrong.

Read on, my friends.

The Perfect Quick Gift.
So this might not be the perfect gift, but I certainly wouldn't mind getting it and, if my survey is at all correct, neither would anyone else. It has all of the classic elements of Valentine's Day, but it does it in such a way that makes sure you don't break the bank, your back or her spirits.

Candy: If you're going with chocolate, don't buy a box at the grocery store. Whatever her favorite kind of chocolate is (i'm partial to that from a shop about 45 minutes away) buy it but, to avoid the dangerous weight web, only buy a few. 6 to 10 is a good number that will keep you from looking cheap and her from feeling like she's just blown her entire diet plan. If she doesn't like chocolate, or if she simply has a favorite something else that you're aware of - whatever it may be - go with that. It's thoughtful that you noticed and she's bound to appreciate it. (I love blue rasberry blowpops....it's 5 bucks for a bag of like thirty and the fact that someone thought of it would make me happy.)

Flowers: You don't have to buy a dozen roses to keep yourself off of the sofa. You shouldn't buy a dozen carnations either, though. (Funeral flowers.) Find out what her favorite flower is and, when cost is an issue, buy less of them. You could get away with buying a single stem of her favorite without question, as long as it's accompanied by something else and you remembered what she likes.

Extras If you don't want to go the flower and candy route, or if you're looking at a single flower and a tiny box of chocolates feeling like that just isn't going to do it, there are a ton of other simple things you can do.

Wal-Mart sells inexpensive adorable stuffed animals and no girl can resist something adorable. There are a few tips and tricks to that - of course. First of all, we like things that are both squishy and maleable and have soft fur. Second, if you buy something with an "i wub you" heart pillow sewn into it's paws, it's obvious that you picked it up in the Valentine's Day isle. Odd though this may sound, wandering into the toy department and finding a stuffed bear that is just a cute stuffed bear will go a lot farther - plus, the animals in the toy department are usually cuddlier. (Bonus points if the animal you buy is her favorite animal)

Lingere is a trap, of course and whether or not it's a safe buy really depends on the girl you're with. Some, like me, might find lingere of any variety fun and complimentary. Other's might be OK with a gift certificate to their favorite store so they can go choose some themselves. (It's an OK bet if you're on the fence. She may prefer snuggly PJ's over something in black mesh and, that way, she gets to pick it herself and you don't end up tarred and feathered...unless you're into that.) Still, there are some who would be offended by the fact that you bought them lingere on a day that was supposed to be about getting them something they liked. The moral - unless you're very sure about your girlfriend and your relationship at the moment, stay away from lingere - -it can be a big beast.

Jewelery will probably never upset a girl, but getting the wrong piece can really upset you. My advice, if you're going to buy your girl jewelery, don't make it a surprise. Or, do make it a surprise. There are a lot of pretty cooperative jewelers out there and you might be able to covince one to part with a box. Tie a ribbon around it, stick a balloon to it, leave it on the pillow with a single stem next to it - whatever your presentation may be, write her a little note telling her how you feel about her and that you'd like to go pick out a special piece of jewelery to remind her of that and stick it in the box where the ring/necklace/earrings/whatever would go. Then, take her shopping with you. Obviously, it's important to set a price range before you get there, or set one with the jeweler and arrange to have them show you a few pieces within that range - that way, there's no weird awkwardness about her picking a piece that is twice what you could afford to spend. It's a good way to avoid buying a classic platinum girl an orante gold whatever or getting a woman who doesn't like to wear earrings a necklace. Plus, there's something cool about walking through a jewelery store like that....Kind of a win win, they get the surprise of finding the box and falling in love with the idea, plus the neato high of the shopping experience and they're bound to get something they love :)

Those, of course, are just the staples of the day. You could easily get out from under the V-Day trap for less than $30 bucks if you shop with the suggestions above in mind and, even if you're looking to spend more, you're still gaurenteed not to make any classic mistakes, product of not properly understanding the female psyche :)

WTF Happened To Edward Norton?

Okay, for those of you who don't know who I'm talking about, remember that scene in American History X where something really gross and probably offensive happened? Yeah, that was Edward Norton.

So, when I thought I saw a trailer for what looked like a clear chick flick and I swore to god I saw him it, I think I choked on my tongue a little.

Well, it would seem, from the limited information IMDB provides, that he is in not one but two chick flicks.

[The Illusionist | The Painted Veil]

I'm familliar with neither. Does anyone care to enlighten me because, from my cursory research...well, I'm disturbed.

Or maybe that it's that no image of him will ever be as firmly burned into my brain as the look on his face when his character snapped that guys neck....

*headtothemotherfuckindesk*

[vamp.org: " 5. If you have scars on your wrists from suicide attempts, by all means display them proudly. The same goes for bruises, cuts, and track marks. Abscesses, however, should always be coyly veiled in filmy black fabric."]

Kay is beating her brains in right now. Should I display that proudly too?

Christ, they have me talking about myself in the third person.

More Things I Knew Before They Were At Hot Topic

I do this occasionally, find out that something is beloved by all of the little emo boys and girls and get pissed off because, god damnit, I had that when you either made it yourself or it came from lip service.

Well, today, ladies and gents - today I've found out that there is Foamy Wear at Hot Topic.

Do not make me go downstairs and get my faded ass, cafe press foamy sweatshirt, fanbrats.

Fuckers.

We Interupt Your Regularly Scheduled Broadcast

...to bring you a rant.

[IMDB: Atlas Shrugged Cast & Crew]

That sound you hear? That is the sound of my soul dying.

I actually want to cry a little.