Troy

Last night I rented two movies - Troy and Swiss Family Robinson. The dialogue in one put the other to shame and you'll never guess which one I'm talking about :P

Troy, while a valiant attempt at an epic film, failed completely miserably.

One, Brad Pitt is not Achilles.
Attractive he may be, but descendent of the Grecian Gods I doubt firmly. Though he came closer to fitting the physical description bill than he did with the acting. You're a descendent of the Gods - act like it. Yes, as the story goes, he rejected his post as any type of royalty and lived to exist as a warrior, but seriously people.

Two, what year is it again?
Mind you, I'm aware that this is set in the time of Troy and Sparta, and thusly, that Greek would have been the spoken language and that it would have been horribly annoying for those of you that don't speak it to have to read subtitles the entire evening, but I would have appreciated, in the absence of that kind of truth to the story, at least sentence structures appropriate to the dialect. Now, maybe I'm being too nitpicky here, but its an epic fucking story line. Have some respect for it.

Three, how long can you make this?
They did get that right, I must admit. In the absence of an inordinate amount of other things to do, I appreciate the fact that they kept true to the fact that it was, indeed, an epic story line and that it goes on into eternity as all epic battles do. That said, I really really really could have done without sitting through three hours of Brad Pitt's ass floating in and out of the frame. Speaking of which - the unlikelihood of that love scene will haunt me forever ("I'm going to kill you" - "you can't kill me" - "yes I can" - "no you can't. lets have sex.") but then, the fact that, technically, she hasn't officially broken her pact as a servant to Apollo - she's still sleeping with an almost-god.

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The Swiss Family Robinson never fails to amuse me as one of life's all time bad movies, however :)