The Mother Of Shitty Days
There are few things that aren't depressing about today.
I got up this morning, hung out, found out that there was a Birthday party for my cousin (an adorable three year old with fuck-up's for parents) and set about to getting her something for her birthday.
Then Mike woke up and it's all been downhill from there.
He took the - "Hey, Sarah's birthday party is today." line really well. Yeah, I sprung it on him - but they sprung it on me too. Yeah, he's not the greatest fan of my family but so what? I just...My god, we have this argument everytime I have some family gathering to go to. Granted, at varying degrees, but it's the same damn thing everytime and everytime, its a completely loosing situation. I've actually come to dread any kind of event at all because I know it's going manage to start an argument that can't end well.
Either he's going to go, grudgingly, because I don't volunteer to let him out, be pissed off about it the entire time and succeed in making me feel horribly guilty and angry at the same time because he was mad about it or, he's not going to go and then i'm going to be pissed off because he still doesn't understand why i asked him to go in the first place or why it matter and he's pissed off because i asked him to go and because he know's i'm mad at him.....and it just never gets any better.
Today was probably the mother of all arguments about this and the worst part about it is, it never moved past a level of polite discussion. I dunno.
I get that he hates these things - i'm not the greatest fan of them either. I get that he doesn't feel comfortable at them because my family has given him so much hell in the past. I get that he would rather spend his day doing anything but this but...It's not that there's anything i'd love more in the world right now than to be snuggled up in bed to him, but there are other things that just need to be done and they're part of my life - and so is he. I just don't understand why me saying it's important to me isn't enough for him and that makes me sad.
I think i'll return to my laying-in-bed-crying-myself-to-sleep-so-i-don't-have-to-think-about-it method cuz there isn't a damn thing I can do about it while he's with King.
I got up this morning, hung out, found out that there was a Birthday party for my cousin (an adorable three year old with fuck-up's for parents) and set about to getting her something for her birthday.
Then Mike woke up and it's all been downhill from there.
He took the - "Hey, Sarah's birthday party is today." line really well. Yeah, I sprung it on him - but they sprung it on me too. Yeah, he's not the greatest fan of my family but so what? I just...My god, we have this argument everytime I have some family gathering to go to. Granted, at varying degrees, but it's the same damn thing everytime and everytime, its a completely loosing situation. I've actually come to dread any kind of event at all because I know it's going manage to start an argument that can't end well.
Either he's going to go, grudgingly, because I don't volunteer to let him out, be pissed off about it the entire time and succeed in making me feel horribly guilty and angry at the same time because he was mad about it or, he's not going to go and then i'm going to be pissed off because he still doesn't understand why i asked him to go in the first place or why it matter and he's pissed off because i asked him to go and because he know's i'm mad at him.....and it just never gets any better.
Today was probably the mother of all arguments about this and the worst part about it is, it never moved past a level of polite discussion. I dunno.
I get that he hates these things - i'm not the greatest fan of them either. I get that he doesn't feel comfortable at them because my family has given him so much hell in the past. I get that he would rather spend his day doing anything but this but...It's not that there's anything i'd love more in the world right now than to be snuggled up in bed to him, but there are other things that just need to be done and they're part of my life - and so is he. I just don't understand why me saying it's important to me isn't enough for him and that makes me sad.
I think i'll return to my laying-in-bed-crying-myself-to-sleep-so-i-don't-have-to-think-about-it method cuz there isn't a damn thing I can do about it while he's with King.
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