A Note To Michael Dell

Michael, Michael, Michael. What are you thinking? You've got this company that's known for its stellar customer care, amazing warrenties, and out of this world service. I don't know how you did it, and I'd certainly like to. You're fucking evil mastermind. Your evil lair has to be HUGE and full of spinning tops of death because I am diabolical, but even I couldn't have dreamed up something this good. You have this company that you've built from the ground up. Fuckin' American dream and shit. You start out with all of these things...great warrenty, great service, great tech support, great computers and you build it into a multi-million dollar conglomorate and then pull the switch. You ship your tech support and oyur customer care reps half way across the world and pay them 2 dollars an hour and you avoid taxes while you're doing it. They're not as picky, they dont require the work conditions we do, the days off, the health care, the break time, the wages. And, by doing this, you're lowering oyur level of support but the odds of anyone actually calling you are slim and then when they do you've got these people trained to pacify and put them off. You get them to tell you what they want to hear until they can get you off of the phone and drag things out so long that by the time they get someone who speaks enlgish and offers them anything they're so worn out from listenign to warnings about the sasser worm and people making them feel stupid that they're willing to take whatever the offer is, regardless of what their warrenty contract promised them. And then, the few persistent ones that either make it through the circle that is your technical support customer service pass off (another brilliant move by the way, make everything no one's fault) or snap and call your legal department get put on the phone with someone who tells them that they have a few options and proceeds to try to SCREW this person out of hundreds of dollars by denying responsibility for the problem.

I did learn something valuable from you though: push hard enough and you can get whatever the hell you want. See, first you were only going to give me a refurbished system or a partial refund, $500 for my $1500 computer i would still have if it wasn't for you jackasses. And then you were going to give me a refurbished system and a media player. I actually took that offer, but your interdepartmental memo system sucks and you guys ended up screwing yourselves over big time there. And then, finally, *cuz i snapped and called legal* you agree to give me a full refund, but i was gonna have to pay the 150 to ship both the Jukebox and the Inspiron back to you in addition to the data transfer from my harddrive that i would still be able to use if it wasn't for you JACKASSES. These are all costs you've incured, not me, and yet i'm responsible for them. I think no. SO...I call the legal department again and he manages to convince you to cover the shipping costs on both items and I pursuade my poor boyfriend to remove the data from my harddrive, and i resisted the urge to jump on it....AND THEN you never sent the packing slips for shipping. THIS HAS GONE ON FOR, wait for it...TWO FUCKING MONTHS.

Evil fucking genius, i swear to god. Michael Dell and the entire Bush Family. Fuckers.

I'm buying an HP, and some stock in Lockheed Martin...